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Happy Mother’s Day — NOT!

November 28th, 2006 No comments

    GRAYTOWN, Ohio — Imagine this (if you can). It’s Mother’s Day. You and your children decide to treat mom to a nice dinner out of the house. After an enjoyable dinner, you and your family pile back into the family’s Ford Explorer. It’s a beautiful evening. The windows of your SUV are open as is the sunroof in order to enjoy the evening air. You traverse up the on-ramp of the freeway en route home. Freeway traffic is heavy and you notice that a bus is in the slow lane headed right for the open spot on the freeway that you want. You accelerate — as does the bus. Upon reaching the freeway’s slow lane, to your dismay, the bus has beaten you and now, almost along side of it, you are forced to fall in behind it. Woe is you — or so you would think. Now imagine the worst possible scenario taking place. No, the bus doesn’t slam on its brakes. No, someone else doesn’t aggressively cut in front of you. Instead, the bus opens it sewage tank (all 45+ gallons of it) showering the family SUV with all of its contents (yuck!), including the industrial deodorizer “Inca Liquid Gold II” (the blue chemical liquid found in commercial toilets). Oh! Did I mention that the windows and the sunroof of the SUV are wide open? Happy Mother’s Day indeed!

Greyhound Bus

Wanted Dead or Alive

    As reality would have it, this was Mother’s Day 2005 for the Stokes family of Graytown, Ohio, who recently filed a lawsuit against Greyhound Bus Lines after their encounter with a wayward bus and its semi-liquid cargo. The lawsuit is seeking over $300,000 in damages. The family says they were covered with toilet paper and — well, everything else that would get flushed down a toilet. Robert Bryce, the family’s attorney, said “My client was driving in heavy traffic. They had nowhere to go. What can you do?” (Oh, I don’t know counselor, how about STOPPING!?) Instead, the crap covered Mr. Stokes (now presumably blue and looking like Papa Smurf thanks to the Inca Liquid Gold II) bravely accelerates back into the deluge (windshield wipers blazing) in order to get the Bus’s license plate number while his wife feverishly dials 911 on her cell phone.

    Here’s an excerpt from the frantic 911 call by Mrs. Stokes:

“We’re driving down the expressway and this Greyhound bus, all of its waste. He just evacuated his stuff all over our car!!”

    “We first went to the emergency room under the advice of our doctor, and then she ordered follow up tests. We had to have baseline tests for AIDS, Hepatitis, and a whole manner of things,” said Mr. Stokes. Meanwhile, even after three professional steam cleanings, the family’s SUV has been deemed to be a total loss by their insurance company as the stench could not be removed from the vehicle’s interior (not a glowing endorsement for the advertised “pleasant ‘airy’ scent” of Inca Liquid Gold II).

    Greyhound, as of this writing, has yet to file a response to the family’s lawsuit. Maybe they’re just waiting to impress everyone with their new stationary — “Go Greyhound, and Leave the Crap to Us!”

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For the record:

    Stokes v. Greyhound Lines, Inc. Court of Common Pleas, Lucas County, Ohio. Case No. CI0200606865. Filed November 3, 2006.

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